That means "friend" in Doric.
And I know that because my friend Jay, from all the way over in Scotland
sent me a Doric dictionary.
It is the language of North East of Scotland where she grew up and still lives.
She also sent a book about the MacIntyre Clan, The Origins Of The Clan MacIntyre.
I got home from work yesterday and check the mail and found a brown paper
wrapped package. It had a shipping label like I have never seen. Of course, I've never received mail from overseas before. I flipped it over and seen her name.
Yay!!! I was "kittelt up" (excited).
I barely made it through the door before I started to open it.
If you're reading this Jay, I just have to say thank you again.
You are the sweetest person!!!
I'm so glad that we are friends.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
The Slap...
We have a full length mirror on our bathroom door facing into the hallway.
I was in the middle of saying, "I wish we had a full length mirror in the
bathroom so I can see my fat butt..." and my daughter slapped me really hard
on the arm and said every time she hears me say I'm fat,
or put myself down she's gonna smack me.
I was in shock, kinda mad, kinda laughing, very surprised!
I told her she can't slap me like that all the time, she said I can't put myself
down all the time because it hurts her knowing I'm upset.
I guess maybe I do need a good smack.
I was in the middle of saying, "I wish we had a full length mirror in the
bathroom so I can see my fat butt..." and my daughter slapped me really hard
on the arm and said every time she hears me say I'm fat,
or put myself down she's gonna smack me.
I was in shock, kinda mad, kinda laughing, very surprised!
I told her she can't slap me like that all the time, she said I can't put myself
down all the time because it hurts her knowing I'm upset.
I guess maybe I do need a good smack.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Hair Removal
I got this e-mail today.
It was so LMAO funny I just had to post it.
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises
of easy, painless removal - the Epilate, scissors, razors, Nair and now... the wax.
Read on.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids.
I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:
"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those 'cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and
you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else)
and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius,
but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
(YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together,
my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to
1000 degrees. (Cold wax, yeah. Right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh.
Hold the skin around it tight and pull. IT WORKS!
Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah,
fighter of all wayward bodyhair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids,
I sneak back into the bathroom,
for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and
place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the
wax strip across the right side of my bikini line,
covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down the inside of my butt cheek
(it *was* a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.....
RRRRRRIIIIIIPPPPPP!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!.....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious... must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums???? Breathe, breathe .OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain,
with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip. There ' s no hair on it. Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX????
Slyly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair.
The hair that should be on the strip. It's not!! I touch I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body,
which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet?
I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do next and think to myself, 'Please, don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub,
get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???? *WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture 20 prisoners of war
or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together,
is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...
in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented
myself to the porcelain!!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few
months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and have some secret
of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter,
"So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,
"are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown
and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!! RIGHT!!!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through the various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than having your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut,
stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace...the lotion they give you
to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.
Its sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!!!! It works!!!!"
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to
my grief and despair. THE HAIR IS STILL THERE..ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts I
could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color!
It was so LMAO funny I just had to post it.
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises
of easy, painless removal - the Epilate, scissors, razors, Nair and now... the wax.
Read on.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids.
I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:
"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those 'cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and
you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else)
and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius,
but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
(YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together,
my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to
1000 degrees. (Cold wax, yeah. Right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh.
Hold the skin around it tight and pull. IT WORKS!
Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah,
fighter of all wayward bodyhair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids,
I sneak back into the bathroom,
for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and
place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the
wax strip across the right side of my bikini line,
covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down the inside of my butt cheek
(it *was* a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.....
RRRRRRIIIIIIPPPPPP!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!.....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious... must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums???? Breathe, breathe .OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain,
with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip. There ' s no hair on it. Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX????
Slyly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair.
The hair that should be on the strip. It's not!! I touch I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body,
which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet?
I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do next and think to myself, 'Please, don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub,
get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???? *WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture 20 prisoners of war
or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together,
is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...
in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented
myself to the porcelain!!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few
months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and have some secret
of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter,
"So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,
"are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown
and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!! RIGHT!!!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through the various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than having your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut,
stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace...the lotion they give you
to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.
Its sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!!!! It works!!!!"
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to
my grief and despair. THE HAIR IS STILL THERE..ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts I
could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Finally... A New Suit
I finally found a swimsuit!!!! Yay Me!
This is the first new swimsuit I've had in probably 5 years.
I love how this one pulls me in in all the right places.
The sides have shirring, to make little fabric gathers across the front
which hides all the bumps and bulges.
And it's fitted! It's not just a loose hanging dress type thing.
It hugs me perfectly. :)
The bottom is skirted, but it's attached low enough that it
won't float up in the water and show my whole stomach.
I just love it.
I'm so excited that I finally have a new swimsuit.
And the best part... it was only $33 at Walmart.
Diet update:
As of Monday, I'm down 26 pounds.
That's over half way to my goal.
This is the first new swimsuit I've had in probably 5 years.
I love how this one pulls me in in all the right places.
The sides have shirring, to make little fabric gathers across the front
which hides all the bumps and bulges.
And it's fitted! It's not just a loose hanging dress type thing.
It hugs me perfectly. :)
The bottom is skirted, but it's attached low enough that it
won't float up in the water and show my whole stomach.
I just love it.
I'm so excited that I finally have a new swimsuit.
And the best part... it was only $33 at Walmart.
Diet update:
As of Monday, I'm down 26 pounds.
That's over half way to my goal.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
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